


wish i were

by douxdamian



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Teenage Romance, Canon Divergence, Carnival, Dances, F/M, Far From Home's ending didn't happen, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Homecoming, Implied Anxiety, Jealousy, Mild Angst, Near Death Experiences, POV Second Person, Pining, Reader's P.O.V, Secret Identity, Singing, inevitable fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26690818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douxdamian/pseuds/douxdamian
Summary: The first time you fell in love with Peter wasn’t a cheesy ‘highschool collision dropping books and made eye contact’ kind of scenario. In fact, you two had been friends for a good year or so before it happened. It wasn’t some crazy insane story.It was his laugh that kind of sent you into this frenzy of 'oh no.'You both were poking jokes about Mr. Harrington, laughing about his long weird personal stories, before you cracked a quip and Peter laughed so hard he had to hide his face behind his notebook. You watched his side profile, the way his brown eyes lit up, the white grin of his lips, his finger-combed hair and how he would glance at you from the side of his eye, and it was that moment in Algebra III that you knew it was over for you.Then, out of the blue, Peter and MJ happened.—A Peter Parker X Reader insert featuring lots and lots of yearning.
Relationships: Background Brad Davis/You, Background Peter Parker/Michelle Jones, Peter Parker/Reader, Peter Parker/You
Comments: 27
Kudos: 224





	1. "they're just really good friends, and that's fine."

**Author's Note:**

> just a note: **petermj is awesome!** and i don't want people to assume this story is trying to paint it in a bad light.
> 
> i write from experience! most of the time, irl, relationships don't always work out. but! you can always be friends. i'm friends with majority of my exes with no problem lmao.
> 
> communication with your partner is so important. peter & mj communicate but it's not written down. don't worry!
> 
> this story is also **dialogue heavy**.
> 
> songs heavily inspiring this fic:  
> \- [heather by conan gray](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWqdowLFRKw)  
> \- [peach scone by hobo johnson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l149E6Arc)

A long shaky exhale, blown from your pursed lips, before your fingers twitched and began to play the C chord on your guitar.

 _“I still remember, the third of December,”_ your voice carried out shyly, fragile, _“me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you,”_ pausing, _“only if you knew, how much I liked you,”_ your eyes darted across the concrete flooring, _“but I watch your eyes as she…”_

Another C chord, _“Walks by… what a sight for sore eyes…”_ Em to Am, _“brighter than a blue sky…”_ You dared not to glance upwards, completely focused on the dark tinted guitar resting in your lap, strumming along to your voice, _“She’s got you mesmerized while I die…”_

Taking a moment, you began to strum against the guitar harder, _“Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty…”_ Closing your eyes tightly, you sang out, _“You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester, but you like her better.”_

Your Fm chord began to give out. “I wish I were Heather…”

Stopping, you leaned back, hearing the city streets below you whir. Pulling your hands through your locks of hair, you moved your thumb down your face to gently nibble at the thumbnail, before giving a defeated sigh and shaking your head.

 _It’s not worth it,_ you thought, _I don’t know why I bother with this song when…_

Clenching your fists, you looked down at the street all the way from your parents’ apartment, watching the cars slow to stop, and accelerate to go.

“Pretty song, lady!”

You jumped, your heart pumping as you clutched onto your guitar and fumbled with the yellow guitar pick in your hands, your hands trying to catch it. It began to head towards the edge of the railing, and you gasped before webs caught it, dangling it in front of your face.

You looked up and saw Spider-man hanging down from the patio above, his white triangular eyes wide while he yanked the guitar pick into his latex covered hands and offered it. “My bad. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Tilting your head, you took the pick, murmuring out a thanks before curiously asking, “What are you doing here, sir?”

“Mid-day patrol.” Spider-man shrugged. “Got bored. Heard your singing. Came here.”

A little flustered, you couldn’t help but to smile and shake your head playfully. “It’s not good to slack off, Spider-man. For all you know, I could’ve been a siren trying to lure you away from your duties,” you began to tease, feeling it fall natural.

Spider-man’s eyes turned wide before he inched closer to you, upside down, peering at your face closely. You felt your facade drop rather quickly, your lips pinching together.

The hero drawled, “Well… ‘ya caught me.” He gave a chuckle.

Your face was most likely redder than usual.

Suddenly, shouting commenced from the streets, and you both looked to see a group of men running from a store-owner. “Duty calls, miss siren,” you heard Spider-man thud onto the railing, on the upside, extending his arms out. Before he left, he turned to you and gave you a two-fingered salute, causing you to stand up and watch him swing to the building across and chase down the criminals into an alleyway.

You clutched onto the railing, eyes watching the red figure before sighing.

You immediately dialed up MJ, your closest friend, who also happens to be dating the boy you’ve yearned after for years.

“Spider-man just talked to me.”

  
  
  


“Y’know, it was kinda flirty,” You spoke as you poked the flan on your plate, MJ pouring a concoction of syrups into her coffee.

“He could also be thirty years old,” your friend suggested.

Grinning while leaning back, you started, “What’s wrong with older men?”

MJ didn’t seem amused.

“Okay, it was nothing, you’re right. He’s a flirty guy. Playful. Y’know,” you waved your hand, “I get it. I was just surprised because he heard me singing…” you admitted, “I don’t really show everyone that.”

MJ seemed curious now, her head pulling upwards, dark curls framing her face. “Singing, huh?”

“My guitar.”

“Ah.” The girl ahead of you criss-crossed her legs up onto the seat. “I’m sure he appreciated the free music. Are you coming to the sleepover tonight?”

You blinked. It completely fell on you that Peter was hosting a sleepover— you all did a monthly sleepover to commemorate the amazing friendship you all shared. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I? Missing it is like missing a funeral. Not good on the resume.”

MJ smiled. “I better see you there. You’re in charge of bringing movies.”

“Movies?! Whose idea was that? You all know my movie taste is garbage,” you immediately argued.

With a snap and point of her index finger, MJ pointed at you, “Exactly.”

Sinking into your seat and letting your fork carve its way through the soft cake-like dessert, you pulled the flan to your mouth and let the milky and creamy taste melt at your tastebuds. Your eyes peered out the window, seeing a familiar red superhero swing through the streets.

“Guess I’m bringing movies…” you murmured.

—

“Y’all, Betty asked me to homecoming.”

The three of you glanced at Ned in surprise. “For real?” Peter asked out, and his voice caught you by surprise, you fought down the urge to just look at him.

“I know! That’s insane! I thought I’d have to bring Y/N as the like… friend date… no offense,” he held out his hand to you, of which you raised your own.

“None taken. I get it. I’m happy for you— how’d this happen?”

“She texted me,” Ned said with a grin, looking at his phone with the utmost happy expression on his face. You crossed your arms and leaned on one leg.

“Well, now it’s up to you, Y/N,” Peter spoke up from beside you as MJ moved to peek over Ned’s shoulder to look at the texts.

Jumping at the sudden voiced intrusion, you looked at him. “What’s up to me?”

Peter only gave a patient smile. “You need to find a homecoming date.”

You gave a fake disinterested groan, flapping your hand in the air. “Ehh… I doubt that. I’m good going solo, y’know? Gives me time to do whatever the hell I want. No required dancing, no forced conversation, I don’t have to follow someone like a lost puppy dog…”

“Why don’t you just ask Spider-man?” MJ teased as she sat down on the couch, pulling her legs up.

You rubbed your hand on your face, exhausted. “Are you serious?”

“Wait— what about Spider-man?” Ned asked, a look of alarm on his face.

“Nothing! Nothing about Spider-man. _Michelle,”_ you pulled out with gritted teeth as you placed your hands on your hips, “is just being Michelle.”

“Oof, that full-name reveal,” MJ said with a mock pained expression, placing a hand on her chest, “You wound me.”

“Nah, I’m curious about this Spider-man thing,” Peter spoke up while sitting next to MJ on the couch. It was nothing, really, you told yourself, but seeing the way the sides of their bodies touch nearly set you into a whole different realm of insecurity. You watched as Ned peered curiously at Peter, who only shrugged at him and looked back to you. You wondered why they looked at each other like that.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “We briefly spoke. I don’t get why it’s a big deal though— he speaks to everyone. He saves the city, talks to civilians, it’s literally what a normal guy does. I told MJ and she’s totally blowing this out of proportion.”

“You should take him to homecoming,” MJ spoke, and the entire room just about sputtered in surprise. You got why you were surprised, Ned and Peter seemed to be on a whole other level of things you didn’t understand. Guy things, probably.

“No—” you immediately refused, “No, I—”

Ned interrupted with a knowing smirk. “What’s wrong with Spider-man?”

“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with him— I just—”

“You don’t like Spider-man?” Peter asked, and it almost broke your heart from the random puppy-dog eyes he gave you.

“No, it’s just I was already thinking of asking someone,” you blurted.

_Oh, shit._

MJ frowned, cocking her head. “Didn’t you say you were gonna go solo?”

_This is what happens when you lie to your best friends._

“I did, but that’s because… that’s because I didn’t know if he’d ever say yes, that’s all,” You explained quickly, hoping the subject would be dropped from the heavy matter.

“He?” Peter asked, “Who?”

_Oh, god, Peter, don’t ask me—_

The most random name popped in your head. “Brad Davis.” _Shit, god, why him?_

“Brad Davis?!” They all exclaimed.

“No, no, you can’t ask Brad, Y/N,” Peter cut in, “Not him.”

“It’s rather him or Flash, man,” you said with a crack in your voice.

They all groaned again. “Dude, just ask Spider-man, you’ll be better off,” MJ spoke up.

“Oh, yeah, like I can just waltz into Spider-man’s house and be like, _yo bro!_ What’s up! I know you’re probably old and decrepit but I was wondering if you could stop your amazing heroic acts and come to a stupid homecoming dance with some jailbait?”

Ned raised his eyebrows. “Jailbait? Now, Y/N, I didn’t know you were gonna go _that_ far for homecoming—”

“Listen.” Your interruption was quick. “I don’t want to ask Spider-man. Enough with the Spider-man talk. Literally the most random thing ever, thanks MJ for starting absolutely nothing. Anyways, I’ll ask Brad Davis, he’s...” Glancing at Peter briefly, you began to channel your feelings for your friend into Brad, “Cute, and a really nice guy. His laugh does things to my stomach, that’s how you guys know it’s real.” A few chuckles resounded around the room. “I know you guys didn’t always get along,” you gestured to Peter, “...but he’s changed. He’s sweet to me.”

That much was true. You and Brad often partnered up in AP World History, seemed like a cool guy, no longer pining after MJ. Seemed single enough.

Peter’s confused face dropped, and MJ shrugged, glancing from Peter to you. “Well, I think you guys would be cute.”

“I agree.” Peter smiled. “Y’know, I’m willing to put aside past stuff if he makes you happy, Y/N. Besides, we fought over petty boy stuff. Easily forgivable.” His arm reached the back of the couch, right behind MJ, you were hyper-aware of each interaction they had, even if it was nothing.

“Same, Y/N.” Ned was beside you, patting your shoulder. He then gave you a hug. It was so random, but you patted his back. “It’s okay to have a crush on Spider-man, though.”

You shoved him off. Everyone broke out into laughter, and you couldn’t help but to chuckle along, though your heart didn’t meet theirs. It never would.

_If having a supposed crush on Brad Davis and Spider-man is what keeps me away from Peter, then it’s fine._

  
  


It was dark in the Parker complex. You were on the floor, your back against the arm of the couch, Peter and MJ on the furniture while Ned dozed off into a beanbag. A random movie you chose played, it was _The Proposal._ It was a good movie featuring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, pretty amusing, enticing story. Finally, for once your taste was adequate, as no one had complained.

You noticed how everyone had nodded off, MJ’s head on Peter’s shoulder as Peter’s head was held up by his fist, Ned’s snoring into the atmosphere.

Scooping some M&M’s with your palm and picking them one by one, you got up and headed to the bathroom, closing yourself in as you managed to swipe out your phone and unlock it with one thumb. You cupped your hand and had the M&M’s roll down into your mouth, crunching, wiping your hand against your leggings and noticing Brad Davis’ snapchat.

You snapped a picture of you in the very small of the corner of the image, asking if he had a homecoming date.

While not ideal… it was certainly more possible than Spider-man, and beats the impossible odds of Peter. At some point you were expecting to go with Ned, but Ned and Betty were on strange terms, so you decided to leave it be. Good for Ned, but also, you didn’t want to go through the five break-ups again.

The ping sounded from your phone, and you opened Brad’s Snapchat to see him in the dark of a room, forehead only, replying with, “Naw.”

Heart racing, this was your chance to totally not look like an idiot. You winked into the camera while giving a finger gun, asking, “Would you like to come with me?”

Brad’s reply was quick, and it took you by surprise. It was a voice message, and you played it, hearing his deep voice say into the microphone, _“I would love to take you, Y/N, as long as you go out with me tomorrow.”_

You grinned. Well, that was easy. You gave a jig in the bathroom, imagining music in your head, shuffling your socks against the tile and looking in the mirror. While Brad wasn’t Peter, finally, this was a chance to move on. Your plan was successful.

You opened the door and was met with Peter blinking at you. He looked like a deer in the headlights before giving a sheepish grin and gesturing at the toilet. “Can I…?”

“Did you hear me dancing?” You asked bluntly.

“Yeah.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, “Expected.” You smiled and made way, letting him in and watching as the door closed when you exited. You almost wanted to hear him ask why, you imagined a scene where you told him you have an official date to homecoming and you were going to meet him tomorrow, and you wanted to watch his face turn into a jealous scowl and ask who, why, when, where, what, you _wanted_ him to pry into your life.

Sitting back on the floor and pulling a blanket over yourself, you huddled into the fabric, contemplating. You wanted him to have noticed you were gone, move to the bathroom to listen in, see if you were talking to anyone, to grow possessive. A long inhale through your nose occurred, and you pressed it into the blanket, Peter’s laundry detergent strong in it.

It won’t happen. It was nice to think about, though.

—

A soft C chord played out. _“Watch as she stands with her holding your hand,”_ you murmured into the crisp air, your fingers moving to Em, _“Put your arm ‘round her shoulder, now I’m getting colder,”_ you closed your eyes and felt your chest swell with a fullness, _“But how could I hate her? She’s such an angel,”_ your voice was rough, _“But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she…”_

Another C. _“...Walks by, what a sight for sore eyes,”_ you opened your eyes, staring at the concrete, _“brighter than the blue sky, she’s got you mesmerized while I die…”_

You paused.

 _“Why would you ever kiss me?”_ Your voice was louder, _“I’m not even half as pretty…”_ You grit your teeth, _“You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester, but you like her better.”_

 _“I wish I were Heather,”_ you whispered under your breath.

You strummed harder. _“Oh,”_ Em chord, _“Wish I were Heather. Oh… wish I were Heather…”_

Stopping, you felt your hands fall from the guitar, sitting on your patio blankly. You stared out into the busy horizon, before hearing a voice again.

“Do you throw concerts like this often?”

Jumping, you placed your hand on your heart, careful to keep your grip on the guitar pick tight. You saw Spider-man lower down onto your railing and plop down on it.

“...No.” You raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t even think I’d have an audience.”

Spider-man raised his hands, playful defeat. “Point taken.” He placed them onto the rail and swung a leg. “What’s that song? You were playing it last time as well.”

You felt your fingers trail against the polished front of your guitar. “...Heather.”

“You write it?”

You gave a gentle laugh. “No, no. I don’t write… I just kinda sing, you know?” You shrugged at Spider-man. “Helps me… deal with things.”

Spider-man’s white eyes widened. “You relate with this song?”

A moment fell between them. Wind blew at your hair, and you opened your mouth slightly before looking down at the guitar. “...Yeah.” It was weird having a personal conversation with the town’s superhero, but maybe this was part of his job. “You don’t need to worry about me sir, I’m okay.” You smiled at him. “That’s what you’re here for, right?”

He cocked his head curiously. “Here for what?”

“...Don’t you make sure people are okay?”

Spider-man seemed quiet for a minute. “Yeah, of course. Yeah…” he wiped his hands on his lap as he got up. He turned around for a moment before turning back, pointing at you and your guitar. “I… I would like to hear more.”

Surprise settled on your features. “...M-more?”

“Yes,” he seemed just as awkward, stammering and nervous, “I know it’s random, but I like swinging by and hearing your music.”

You gulped, nodding, patting your hand against your guitar. “...Yeah, sure. No problem.”

Spider-man, you assumed, grinned. “Awesome. Keep this up, you’ll become my favorite.”

You chuckled. _“Favorite?_ Spider-man has favorites? What’s the benefits? Three day free shipping?”

The mysterious man laughed, shaking his head. “Nothing like that. The city is technically my favorite, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a favorite civilian to visit.” He snapped his fingers, moving back towards the corner of the patio, pointing at you. “I’ll see you more often, then, siren.”

Spider-man swung off.

“Bye,” you whispered into the empty air.

Then, your phone went off, and you pulled it out to see Brad was texting you that he was on his way.

—

Your date with Brad went well.

It was nothing spectacular. You mostly talked about stories, got cookies, and visited parks. It was sweet, but it wasn’t memorable. It didn’t need to be, though, you were okay with the bare minimum. Brad, while not Peter, was enough for you. You definitely would prefer him to homecoming than nobody. Brad escorted you home, and it was only two hours later before you were hit with a bad headache and was in dire need of medicine.

With a plastic convenience bag tight in your hand, your phone in the other, you were walking down the street back to your apartment complex. Suddenly, lights sounded from beside you, and you looked down the alleyway to see a car speeding the corner and driving your way. Feeling your life flash before your eyes, you gasped, dropping your bag and stumbling backwards, crossing your arms over your face.

Though, no collision happened. You heard screeching and metal clinching together, plus the rumble of an old engine. You peered upwards and saw Spider-man crouched in front of the car, his elbow buried within it, hovering over you. Your headache panged, fogging your vision, the adrenaline definitely not helping. Spider-man watched as the guys reversed the car out of the alleyway, and while you expected him to take off after them, he cradled the back of your neck to get your attention.

“Ah— _shit,_ ma’am? Are you okay? Miss?” His voice was frantic, head twitching slightly, like he was discovering your body.

You groaned, rubbing your forehead. “Yeah… yeah I’m okay, Spider-man, thank you…”

Spider-man’s touch was gentle on your hand and the small of your back as he helped you up. You moved to grab your bag, but he placed a hand on your shoulder before picking it up for you, giving it so gingerly.

“...Sorry, I probably interrupted your chase,” you murmured, feeling like you were burdening the superhero. “I’ll be okay. You should go after them.”

Spider-man was staring at the plastic bag before looking at your head. “Do you need help home?”

“Huh? Did you hear me?”

“Well, yeah, but I’d feel bad leaving you alone. Besides, the police were already chasing those guys. They’ll take care of it this time. I was just making sure there were no casualties.” Spider-man stepped forward, extending a hand, “May I take you home?”

You tilted your head. “Okay…” You took his hand, and he suddenly pulled you in, your hands falling against his chest and— god, you did not know this man, but you could feel his _chest_ and it was almost enough to get your head in a dizzy state— his arm wrapped around your waist, and the touch was almost intoxicating. You clenched your hands, unsure of what was happening.

“Hang on tight, okay? It’s gonna be a little scary.”

“Scary?—”

Suddenly, you were pulled into the air by Spider-man, and you gasped, curling around the man’s body and gaping at the city streets below you. It was so, so high up, and if you just slipped one inch you could—

Anxiety crept along your spine and you buried your face into Spider-man’s neck, clinging, pinching your lips together. Your arms moved around his shoulders to clutch on, and you were almost crazy, _crazy_ enough to smell Peter on him. It wouldn’t be, but the familiarity, it was comforting you, that smell.

You peeked back, watching the city streets, and you heard Spider-man chuckle underneath his breath.

“This is… this is…” you breathed, before squeezing Spider-man. “Don’t let go. God, if you let go, I’m going to kill you in the afterlife, oh my god.”

“I’ll never let go,” he promised, and you could hear a smile in his tone. You sighed against his suit, and eventually your patio was in focus. Spider-man webbed the top patio, and you two dangled before he slowly pulled upwards, you moving your legs over the railing and clutching onto the ground.

“Oh, I thought I’d never miss the ground this much.”

Spider-man laughed.

You peered back at Spider-man, getting up and stammering, “Y-you do that _everyday?”_

“Just about. I mean, it’s super anxiety-inducing at first, but then the adrenaline settles in and you’re just like, whoa…” Spider-man leaned over the railing, his feet balancing off the edge of the concrete, placing his chin in his palm. “And then you get used to it and sometimes you miss it at the most random moments, especially in places where you can’t leave your seat,” he shrugged. “It feels… pretty free.”

“Free?” You repeated.

“Being in the sky like that, during city nights and…” Spider-man faltered, “It helps, you know? Releases all the negative energy into the city.”

Curious about the man who claims himself to have spider abilities, you leaned against the railing beside him, him remaining on the other side. “It’s not always fun being a superhero, is it?”

“Superhero...” Spider-man’s eyes turned thin with amusement. “I mean… yeah. It’s cool having powers, but sometimes I remember where I was normal, and I kinda wish I could just… be normal. When you have normal friends, it’s kinda hard pretending that you’re like them when you’re not.”

You purse your lips before smiling, “I think you’re a pretty normal guy, Spider-man.”

Spider-man’s downcast head glanced up at you, pausing before giving an amused exhale, “You do?”

“Yeah. You’re talking about completely human things here. Wanting to feel free, wanting to be like your friends, wishing things in general…” you started, “I dunno Spider-man. You may save the world from intergalactic threats but you also seem like a pretty down-to-earth guy. Superhumans still are human while also being super cool.”

The hero was quiet for a while, looking at you, before nodding and looking at his enclosed hands. “You seem like you know your stuff.”

You gave a shrug. “I guess. I’m not as smart as my friends, but they make do with me, too. Something we have in common.”

Spider-man laughed. “I doubt you’re not as smart as your friends.”

“Are you kidding me? My friends are amazingly brilliant. It’s just an honor being around them!” You started with a grin, “I don’t have many people in my life, but I’m blessed to have them. I’d do anything to make them happy, I’d even sacrifice my own happiness.” You stared ahead, imagining their faces.

It was quiet. “Do you?”

“Do I what?” The question seemed out of nowhere.

“Sacrifice your own happiness for them?”

This was a hard question. You winced. “Yes. Every day.”

“Why?”

You looked at him. “Why?”

Spider-man nodded. “Well… why do you do it? What do you sacrifice every day?”

You turned around to lean your forearms against the railing, paralleling Spider-man. “They… well, they make me happy. I want them to be happy too… and lately, I’ve been a little selfish in what I want.” Your fingers clutched the metal, feeling your knuckles pale, “I’m a bad friend for what I want. I want to make up for that.”

Spider-man seemed to want to say something, as a quiet sound escaped from his mouth before it was silenced.

“Siren?” He called you, after a moment of nothing but city ambience. The nickname was odd, but with context, it made you feel a little fuzzy.

“Yeah?”

“I’m pretty selfish too.”

You looked at him, and he didn’t meet your eye. Instead, he seemed contemplative before he looked down at the city. “I make up for it with this, but with my friends, I’m selfish in not knowing what I want. I guess that’s something I have to think about.” You listened to him, nodding, before he continued, “I want you to think about it too. Your happiness… it must be detrimental to your friends. I’m sure they don’t want you to hurt either. You should talk to them.”

_I can’t talk to them about this._

“I’ll try.”

Spider-man nodded, bidding you a goodnight before heading off into the night.

You were left alone.

—

The first time you fell in love with Peter wasn’t a cheesy ‘highschool collision dropping books and made eye contact’ kind of scenario. In fact, you two had been friends for a good year or so before it happened. It wasn’t some crazy insane story.

It was his laugh that kind of sent you into this frenzy of _oh no._

You both were poking jokes about Mr. Harrington, laughing about his long weird personal stories, before you cracked a quip and Peter laughed so hard he had to hide his face behind his notebook. You watched his side profile, the way his brown eyes lit up, the white grin of his lips, his finger-combed hair and how he would glance at you from the side of his eye, and it was that moment in Algebra III that you knew it was over for you.

Then, out of the blue, Peter and MJ happened. It was hard enough not having Peter in a relationship, now you felt as if it were a cookie cutter scenario of what you and him could’ve been. It doesn’t hurt more than that. Rejection hurts less than this.

They never exactly referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, and they never exactly came out about it. They just started to hold hands and experiment for a while. It was cute. They were happy, and you were happy. That was enough.

It should’ve been enough.

Over time, you needed to move on, but you didn’t. You found yourself in bed fantasizing worlds where you and Peter would break the mold. You would wake up from the fantasy and hate yourself, because how could you do that to them? You were so selfish in this way.

You found yourself growing more and more infatuated with Peter, not by the bigger things, but by the littlest, most insignificant things. The way he would bite the inside of his cheek when contemplating an answer, rolling his pencil across his desk in a bored manner, fixing his safety goggles on his face before taking them off later and red lines would appear, causing him to flush, embarrassed at the teasing ensuing from you.

Then there were the times when you seemed down, and he would murmur an inside joke to you, and suddenly your day was the best day ever. The time when you went to an amusement park for a field trip, and all of you were headed towards one of the more intense rides in the park. You didn’t want to go on. It was too frightening. It also didn’t help that you weren’t feeling one hundred percent, not getting much sleep the night previous.

Peter sensed this and told Ned and MJ to go on without the two of you. You tried to refuse, you were pushing for Peter to join them and have fun as he loved the adrenaline, but he put his hand on your arm and suddenly you remembered every reason why you wanted him to stay around you.

You two actually had fun while being left out on the ride. You went to a gift shop and played around with the various costume objects; you placed on a Spider-man mask and Peter smiled and said it looked really good on you. _Really_ good.

The small things that mattered to you...

You sat in the cafeteria, poking at your sandwich with your plastic spork, before MJ plopped bluntly in front of you and held out her phone. “What is this?”

Glancing up, you noticed a blurry picture of the city in the night, with red dotting the skyline. “A very poorly taken picture.”

“No, no,” MJ scrolled in on the photo, gesturing to the red blob. You flushed as you realized it was you and Spider-man. “What’s going on here?”

“He saved me.”

MJ paused. “Did you get hurt?”

“No, hence why I was cradled in Spider-man’s arms.” She looked at the picture for a moment, contemplating. “What’s going on?”

“Do you… like Spider-man?” MJ wondered quietly.

You bit your lip. “I… I don’t know, actually.” MJ’s eyes snapped up towards you. You raised your hands. “We had a nice talk last night. He’s a cool guy. Nothing would happen, but… he’s nice. I don’t know anything beyond that though.”

MJ turned off her phone and crossed her arms on the table. She seemed lost in thought before looking at you. “How do you make the right decision?”

“What?”

Your friend shuffled anxiously. “What happens if… if you know something isn’t going to work? Because you know every truth there is, and frankly you’re confused yourself.”

Concerned, you reached out a hand to hold her own. “MJ, what are you talking about?” MJ’s eyes darted to the corner, and she gave you a reassuring smile before you turned and saw Ned and Peter approach. Ned sat beside you, Peter across. You glanced at MJ who refused to meet your eyes, clearly not wanting it to be brought up.

Ned’s eyes were glowing. “Okay, guys, guess what we’re doing Wednesday night?”

“Sleeping,” you sighed out dreamily.

“No— but, nice try,” Ned raised a finger, “We are going… to…” he drawled out the latter, pulling out a pamphlet and unraveling the paper. He smacked his palms lightly against the sides, giving out a tada, “...the ol’ fall carnival!”

You squinted at him. MJ rolled a lock of hair with her finger, “Why? The games are all scams to take your money, literally not a single person on this earth has won at the claw machine back near the spinny helicopter seat ride. I checked.”

Ned leaned forward and murmured quietly, “Listen… Betty wants to go with me. She likes Ferris Wheels.”

“Seriously?” You winced. “Didn’t last time—”

Ned waved his hand. “That’s not important.”

“You’re forcing _us_ to go on _your_ date?” Peter asked.

“It’s a triple date!” Ned grinned. “You and MJ, and Y/N and Brad.” You winced.

“I don’t think I can come,” you excused yourself, “I don’t… with Brad it’s… he has basketball practice on Wednesdays.” You were honest. He does. He wouldn’t be able to go with you. “It’s okay.”

Ned rubbed his chin. “Double date plus Y/N.”

You sighed. “Now that’s just shitty. There’s no reason for me to go. I want you guys to have fun, you deserve it.”

“Y/N can be our third,” Peter said with a smile, looking at MJ for approval, who stared blankly at him. “We’d want you to come. No friend gets left behind, we all promised that during our romantic relationship treaty back in sophomore year, right under our sleepover contract.” He looked past MJ at you, who sat with raised eyebrows.

You were pleading for MJ to give you a hint on how she felt about this. _Please, be possessive over him, don’t let me come,_ but MJ only gave a half smile and gazed at you. There was something behind her eyes and you were trying your hardest to dissect it, but to no avail. “Y/N, you should come with us.”

Ned grinned. “Cool! So, uh, is it official?” He waggled his eyebrows at the three of you, “Are you guys now…”

“No!” You all refused in unison, Ned laughing. Peter and MJ joined in, but you didn’t. Those kind of jokes hit too hard on you.

—

Being in the same car with four other people was overwhelming. You took a window seat in the back, Ned and Betty in the front discussing pop tunes heatedly, MJ sketching on her notebook, and Peter was on the other window seat, chin in his palm with headphones in, gazing out into the scenery. It was beautiful, you noted, how serene he seemed— like nothing could ever go wrong. Glancing around to make sure no one was noticing you ogling, you looked back at him, making peace with this, with only a glance.

Your eyes trailed down to his phone screen, noticing it lighting up with a notification. Your eyes spotted the Spotify tab and noticed a familiar song.

_Heather._

Your breath was stuck in your throat, your eyes slowly moving to his own. You stopped leaning against the car door, your arms unfolding and hands gripping onto your lap tightly.

Then, he turned. Peter’s face cocked towards you only slightly, eyes lagging behind as they made contact with your own.

He smiled.

You simpered back in return, politely, and he looked back away out the window. Your head slowly made its way to properly face the seat Betty sat upon in front of you, a cold sweat taking your body. It was coincidental, you were convinced, that he also happened to enjoy that very song. Perhaps it just came on during a Spotify station. Completely respectable. It just felt odd that he was aware of the existence of this song, and was listening to it two seats away from you in a cramped car that was filled with freshened air conditioning and a pop station playing bland hits.

You moved to plant your forehead against the window, staring at the autumnal trees passing along the side, buildings and people alongside them. Sometimes it was better to walk.

“There there.”

A hand patted your back as you were curled over a garbage bin, clutching the sides, gagging into the darkness of the foul-smelling object. Ned was supporting you, after all it was his idea to force you to go on literally the spinniest ride there.

You moved upwards, wiping at your mouth with your sleeve, groaning out, “You… _this_ was all your fault. You know how motion sick I get.”

Someone nudged at your arm, and you spotted Peter with a cool water bottle, offering it. You smiled and took it, the brush of your fingers enough to light your body on fire. You were starved for the little interactions such as that. You could not imagine a _hug_ from him.

As you sipped your water, Ned continued to speak, “C’mon, the more spinny rides you go on, the more immune you get. You know that.”

“...And who said that exactly?” MJ spoke up from beside you.

“I did.” Ned smiled, and you scoffed out of amusement.

“That’s not what I meant— y’know what, it’s fine. It’s fine.”

Betty walked up, scratching at her neck, “Hey, can someone help me to the car? I left my phone in there.”

“You just noticed?” MJ raised an eyebrow. Betty smiled nervously, and MJ swung the keys around her finger. “I got you. We’ll meet you guys near the tilt-a-whirl in…” she checked her watch, “...five minutes?”

Ned patted down his pockets. “How’d you get those—”

“Yeah, we’ll see you then,” Peter interrupted. MJ and Betty headed off, and you were left with the boys.

Ned looked absolutely lost. “How’d she get my keys? That’s my new car. I wouldn’t just leave those keys around. How did she do that?”

Peter looked to you, a concerned, soft expression taking his features. He moved and rubbed your shoulder, and suddenly you were thrown into an internal frenzy of feelings you were literally spending hours and months on to destroy. Pinching your lips together and taking in a deep inhale through your nose, you were blocking out the fuzzy static in your ears to pay attention to his words, as foggy as it was.

“Are you sure you’re okay? If you need to, we can leave.”

“What? No way. Betty will kill me,” Ned said with a scoff. Peter gave him a pointed look.

You gave a smile. “No, no, I’m okay. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s time.”

“I’m more than willing to take you home myself.” _Oh, god, don’t say that Peter, please._ Peter smiled at you. “You wouldn’t be burdening me.”

Staring up at him, trying to fight the urge to confess your absolute admiration of him at that moment, you said, “I’m already feeling better.” You smiled, “Thanks for always taking care of me, though.”

The world was just you and Peter at that moment. Peter gave you a fond expression at this. His eyes moved downwards for a moment before meeting yours once more. “Well, it’s just what I do.”

“Wow. The tension between you two is incredible.”

The both of you snapped your heads towards Ned, who happened to be an audience member of your little conversation. Ned’s face was grinning, and he clearly meant this sarcastically, but it seemed like no joke to you.

“C’mon, man,” you said with an unamused tone, “You can’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s funny,” Ned said as you all headed towards the Dippin Dots’ cart.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but Peter and MJ are a thing,” you emphasized, “Can’t really joke about _tension.”_

Peter waved his hand. “It’s fine.” You gawked at him. “We’re friends, right? Nothing weird.”

God dammit. Right when you thought you were something, you were smacked with reality. Of course. You were the one making it weird, you were the one implying it was all something else. “Yeah, true, you’re right.”

Ned was looking at you weirdly though. You looked at him back, mimicking his expression, and he shook his head with a small smile.

“I’ll stand in line for us and pay,” Ned offered, “as an apology to Y/N for making her puke. What do you guys want?”

You both gave your preferred flavors. “Okay, cool, you guys go sit down in the shade. It’s pretty warm out,” Ned said with a thumbs up, and you both obeyed him, sitting on a bench not too far beneath a tree.

Silence took over the both of you. You can’t remember the last time you two were alone. In all honesty, as much as it was shitty, you avoided him often. Not because you didn’t like him, but because of the complete opposite reason. Sometimes it broke your heart when at parties you dodged Peter so frequently that you were pretty sure he noticed, but never said anything because he’s just a nice guy. He probably assumed the worst and you had to let him just to avoid this secret from letting out.

“MJ showed me the picture of you and Spider-man,” Peter suddenly spoke up, curved over with his elbows on his lap, hands clasped together. He didn’t meet your shocked face for a second, but he rotated his head and smiled at you.

You shook your head. “Is she showing everyone that, now?”

“So you know.”

You blanked at him.

“So, do you have a super secret superhuman best friend you’re not telling us?” Peter grinned.

Feigning an insulted look, you lightly shoved his arm with your elbow, giving him a glare from the corner of your eye. “Maybe. Beats you nosy people, _if_ that were true. Which it’s not, by the way.”

Peter rubbed his chin. “I never took you as a Spider-man girl… Thor, _maybe,_ but Spider-man? I don’t get what you see in him,” he almost challenged, leaning back on the bench, stretching his arms out to rest on the backs. You couldn’t help but be self-conscious that if you scooted two inches closer, he could technically tuck his elbow around your shoulders and hold you close. “I mean, I thought your crush on Spider-man was a joke.”

“I’m not a Spider-man girl,” you argued, “He saved me. Once. Took me home. He’s a nice guy. That doesn’t mean I like him, but don’t underestimate him Peter.”

Peter gave a dorky grin. “That’s what they all say before that one moment when he saves you a little too sexily.”

“Oh god, please, stop. He could be like, forty-five years old.”

“Who says you’re not into that?”

“Peter Parker!”

The boy beside you laughed, and you joined in. He leaned his head back, staring up at the sky. He then glanced at you with a more stern expression. “You’re feeling alright, though?”

You sighed, but you couldn’t help but to smile at his care. “Yes, Peter. I’m okay.”

“Motion sickness can be a bitch.”

“It sure is, but I’ll live.”

Peter furrowed his eyebrows. “You sure? We could go and chill in the car if you need to.”

You turned yourself towards him better. “It’s starting to sound like you want an excuse to leave.”

He paled.

Suddenly, you found your light mood dulling. “Wait, do you really—”

“It’s not that exactly,” Peter said, glancing around nervously before looking back to you, “It’s just… me and MJ, we’re not doing great right now, that’s all. I would much rather be at home.”

Concerned, you pushed, “Why? What’s wrong?”

Peter looked like he just spoke of a crime that could get the two of you executed. He turned his head away from you to stare at the fairgrounds ahead. “There’s just… a weird divide between us. I don’t know if we were just… making ourselves believe we liked each other because of circumstances or…” he shrugged, “It’s just… I don’t know. I guess the intention was to experiment, and we’re definitely experimenting this.” He leaned over and put his head in his hands for a moment. “I don’t know what I’m doing or how I feel. We never put a label on this, and I guess it’s showing.”

You immediately put your hand on his shoulder blade, rubbing it gently to console. “Hey, that’s okay. Do you think she feels this way too?”

He nodded.

Rutting your teeth against your tongue for a moment, you asked, “Did you talk to her about this?”

He nodded again.

“Ah. You need time apart to get yourself together,” you concluded.

Peter put his hands on each corresponding elbow. “We came for Ned and Betty, but lately we haven’t been hanging out outside of school and group events. We’re trying to figure it out, but I think we already know the answer.”

Your breath was caught in your throat. “I’m… I’m sorry, Peter. That sucks. Shit.” You were blunt and honest.

Peter only shook his head and smiled. “It happens all the time, Y/N, you wouldn’t believe how often it does. We can at least say we acted on our feelings and gave it a shot, and sometimes it misses or it’s not quite right. That’s okay. We tried it out.” He shrugged his shoulders lazily. “We’re still gonna be friends and let each other move on.”

“You already talked about moving on?” You asked, “Wow, so you guys really have _talked_ about this then.”

“It’s been brewing for about a month now.”

You paused. “So… is that the only reason why you asked me to be your guys’ third?” Slow and quiet, you didn’t dare make eye contact, eyes roaming the jeans on your lap before you felt warm hands grab one of your own. Taken back and jaw ajar, Peter was holding your hand with both of his own, capturing it in a comforting embrace.

“No. It wasn’t like that at all Y/N. I promise you that.” Peter’s voice was oozing with a sincerity, and you found your eyes sinking into his nurturing brown. “I wanted you here. Believe me.”

Blushing, you nodded, and Peter smiled. He looked over nearly instinctually, and his hands from yours dropped. Ned was coming over with your Dippin’ Dots ice cream.

Curious on how Peter knew exactly when Ned was coming from the other direction, you paid it no mind, eager to have your delicious ice cream. You all got up and headed towards the tilt-a-whirl.


	2. "and i love the thought of being with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi, there are sexual jokes & flirting in this chapter but nothing explicit. hope you guys like it!!!!
> 
> communication is key

“You look amazing MJ.”

It was homecoming night, you and MJ hanging out at your place, waiting for your corresponding dates. Ned and Betty would meet you guys at the gym. You were surprised Brad and Peter both agreed to be in the same vicinity, but they both seemed chill, so you’d assume it was fine. Stupid alpha male hormones.

MJ was in a red dress with open sleeves. Her lips pinned themselves together before she gave a gentle smile at you. “You too, Y/N. Thank you.”

You flattened your hands against your duo-colored A-line dress, fiddling with the lace, rocking back and forth on your heels. “Thanks,” you said sheepishly before spotting MJ’s white converse shoes and smirking. “Converses? Can’t say I’m surprised. I think sheep would fly if I saw you wear heels.”

Your friend laughed sweetly. “You’re murdering your feet with those pumps, girl.”

“The price of beauty…”

Even if the conversation was going well, you couldn’t help but to wonder what was going on in MJ’s mind. Her and Peter were struggling making the relationship work, but you knew you weren’t allowed to have that information. You wanted to open your mouth and ask how she was holding up, but you decided against it. It wasn’t your business. While you felt your heart hurting for them, you knew they could figure it out themselves, both being very respectable and responsible people.

The door rang, and you bounced towards the door, opening it to meet eyes with Peter Parker. He was in a pure velvety black tux, a corsage in a plastic box in his hands. He made eye contact with you, and both of your expressions were blank for a moment, before he gave an amiable smile.

“Y/N! You look amazing!” Peter commented, eyeing you up and down. “Wow.”

Finding your face stinging with heat, you stammered, “Yeah— ah, thank you— thank you a lot, Peter. You— you look amazing too! Yep!”

Peter blinked at you a few times, and you almost hung your head in shame at how bad you stuttered. Then, he laughed. “Man, I didn’t know that would get to you so bad. Have you ever received a compliment before?”

“Um—”

“Guess that is something we need to work on,” MJ commented while joining your side, shaking your shoulders. Peter offered the corsage, and MJ gave him the boutonniere. “Lookin’ pretty.”

A bit passed, Peter and MJ involved in conversation regarding conspiracy theories, and on the outside it seemed like nothing was wrong. Though, they seemed like they were just friends, no romantic comments or flirts, you noticed. You rolled your bottom lip with your teeth and stared out the patio door, fiddling your thumbs. What if Brad never showed up? What if Peter and MJ were just joking around with you, aware of your crush on him, just to lift you up and put you down? What if all of this was some elaborate scheme to—

Knocks on the door ensued, and you jumped so fast out of your seat you nearly tripped over your heels. Peter and MJ stared at you, befuddled at your behavior, and you gave a sheepish smile before waddling over to the door and opening it.

Brad Davis! He was here! Of course he was, are you stupid? Why wouldn’t he be? It’d look bad on him if he wasn’t—

“Wow, I must be so beautiful you have no words,” Brad commented, his eyebrows raising upwards, a toothy grin appearing on his lips.

“Ah— yeah! Sorry, I’m really sorry, I totally— hold on—” You rushed towards the table, bumping into the corner and wincing at the impact before grabbing the boutonniere you got just for him and nearly hopping over. “So, I got— the thing, and like— oh shit—” you tripped, and Brad caught you, leaning back slightly and straightening you up with a knowing grin.

Brad gave a soft laugh, which should’ve given you butterflies, “Y/N, calm down. It’s okay. Walk me through here.”

You scratched the back of your neck before giggling nervously. “I got you… the bou… bout… bouton…”

“Boutonniere,” MJ corrected you from behind.

“Yes. That. I’m not even going to bother trying with that word. Thank you MJ. Oh, sorry is this awkward? Shit—”

“Y/N.” Brad clutched your hand that held the flower and took it gracefully, fixing it onto his navy blue suit jacket and giving a side smirk. He looked back at you. “It’s fine. We’re all fine.” You watched him glance over you for a moment before returning his mahogany eyes to yours. Then, he pulled something from his pocket, featuring a cased corsage. “Put this on.”

You grinned, looking at the flower, which was an orchid. Placing it around your wrist, you rocked on your heels.

“Hey, Brad,” Peter said while walking up. “No bad blood, right?”

Brad took a moment before shaking his head. “Nope. We’re all good. I just want you to know it… it was never… personal, y’know?”

“Yeah.”

Silence was tense.

“Ned just texted me,” MJ spoke up from behind all of you, catching everyone’s attention. “He got there with Betty. Apparently Flash is DJing, so this should be fun.” Her teeth were grit, signifying her annoyance, and you felt yourself feeling the same way.

You all cramped yourselves in a car and headed the homecoming. MJ and Peter were in the front, meanwhile you and Brad were taking the window seats in the back.

It got easier. With all the traffic, it wasn’t hard to fall into conversation with Brad. It made you think about your date with him, walking down a market street, hands brushing and laughing at all of his remarks, bonding over familiar movies, dealing with long lines just to get bubble tea, and you thought in another world, Brad was everything you could’ve longed for.

You gazed at him from inside the car, watching street lights pass and vehicles highlight his square face, and you moved your focus to your lap. Your hands were flat against each other. God, you wanted to cry and ruin your makeup already. 

If you had met Brad before Peter, you were sure you’d have Brad. The problem is, you knew he was looking at MJ. You knew he wasn’t looking at you.

Your mood dampened. It felt horrible.

Stepping into the highschool’s vicinity, you heard the muffled, blaring music. Entering the glass doors, you saw Ned and Betty not standing too far off, and everyone immediately got together to converse. Ned was going off about Flash, meanwhile you and Brad stood somewhat distanced, Brad looking around before perking up.

“Yo, there’s my team. Wanna go say hi with me?” Brad requested, looking down at you. You gazed at his boutonniere, a red rose contrasting his blue suit, and you nodded with a smile.

You began to doubt if they’d notice your absence at all.

Why were you doing this to Brad? To yourself?

Being involved with the basketball team for most of the night wasn’t bad. They were nice guys, and their dance partners weren’t horrible either. You’d talk to another girl about school, dancing, before it’d move onto the topic of sex and you would pale and use your fresh relationship with Brad as an excuse. _It’s not even a relationship though,_ your head scolded.

“Shit, this is a sweet song. Wanna dance, Y/N?” Brad offered when Flash had talked about slowing down the speed. It was sweet, slow, with a harmony of high voices. Flash announced it to be called _The Night We Met_ by Lord Huron.

You grinned. “I would love to dance with you, Brad.”

Weaving through clumps of dancing couples, Brad took you to the near middle, hovering his hands over your waist and looking at you for permission. You granted it and put your hands on his shoulders, swaying slightly.

It was weird. It was comfortable, but weird, odd. Unfitting. Brad smiled, but his eyes kept adjusting to the corner, and once you both rotated you looked to where he was looking at and knew it was at Peter and MJ.

Peter and MJ were dancing as well, holding each other, though Peter was grinning and his eyes were sweetly crinkled and his lips started to move as they were conversing and your heart ached—

Your vision was skewed when you were turned around, and to avoid Brad seeing your pained expression, you held him closer and placed your head on his shoulder, staring ahead blankly.

“You love him.”

Freezing at Brad’s words against your ear, you pulled back and stared at him. “What?”

Brad shook his head and tugged you closer, moving so that you were looking at Peter and MJ from over his shoulder. “Peter. You love him. I know you do, Y/N. It’s okay.”

Looking at Peter, MJ’s back was towards you, and you watched his eyes glance upwards and you made eye contact with him. Peter was blank for a second before giving you a smile.

You ducked down slightly, bumping your forehead against Brad.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t be.”

Peeking up at Brad shyly, you commented, “...You still like MJ too, don’t you?” Your date pinched his lips together, turning his jaw slightly away from you. “Nothing wrong with that, Brad.”

Brad gave a weak laugh. “How can anyone compete with Peter?”

You pulled away to look at Brad properly. “How can anyone compete with _MJ,”_ you corrected. “They’re so perfect, it’s like they were made for each other in that way…”

“I’m tempted to call ourselves the runner-ups.”

Giving a snort of amusement, you shook your head. “That’s sad, but true. You’ve got a point there, Brad.”

“You think we should kiss?”

Gawking at Brad’s comment, you stopped rotating around. “Kiss?”

Brad shrugged. “I mean… hear me out, Y/N. Let’s try it. You don’t have to, but I was thinking… what if this is like one of those Disney movies?” He started, and you listened to each word carefully, “We pine after the wrong person, we kiss, there’s sparks and fireworks and we can really let those two go and focus on this.”

The optimist in you which dreamed of fairies and rainbows wanted to believe in that. Though, pessimism was beating its ass, and you stated somberly, “...I don’t think it works like that.”

“We can at least say we tried.”

That was convincing enough. Maybe you did need some sort of physical awakening. Brad was looking at you, his eyebrows crooked, and he seemed to notice your hesitance. “Maybe not. Sorry. It was a really stupid idea, I know how dumb it is and kisses can actually be really vital to a relationship—”

Grabbing his face, you pressed him against your lips, and he tightened his arms around your waist to kiss you in turn. You were hoping no chaperones saw this.

It was warm, and your lips were matched with his. Soon, you both pulled away slowly, your eyes shut as you lowered your hands from his jaw to his collarbone. Blinking up at Brad, you tried to get a read on him, and you could vaguely taste Vaseline.

You both gazed at each other before sighing. “Nothing,” you murmured.

“Me neither. Shit. I thought that would work.”

Suddenly, there was an audible snap, and you stumbled against Brad. Glancing downwards, you noticed that your right shoe’s heel had completely snapped off. “Fuck,” your breath hitched. “My shoe just totally broke on me.”

Brad seemed worried, but you held up your hands. “The song’s ending anyways,” you pointed out, “I think Flash is going to put on some rave music. Go hang out with your team. I’ll be on the bleachers fixing these.”

“Are you sure, Y/N? Because—”

You patted his cheek. “Go,” you drawled.

Brad managed to persuade you into being escorted to the bleachers. He kept asking if you needed anything, like punch or a trip to Walgreens, and you managed to reassure him that you’ll find Betty and borrow some extra shoes she held in her locker.

With that, you were alone on the bleachers, listening to the trap music blare from the speakers. You watched as teenagers shuffled through other crowds, dancing together, touching each other inappropriately while making out on the dance floor, or just gathered in groups, laughing with red solo cups in their hands. Chaperones were on their phones, completely ignoring the couple sneaking off to the janitor’s closet.

You were tapping the fronts of your shoes before growing agitated at the imbalance. Growling as you ripped the straps off, you freed your stocking-clad feet, sighing against the palm of your hand as you rested your chin against it, arm supported by your lap. Suddenly, a shadow covered your left side.

“Punch?”

It was Peter. He was holding two cups, and you smiled, offering out an arm. He gave you one and sat beside you.

“Thanks.” You put the cup against your lips and sucked in the sugary liquid.

“Where’s Brad?”

Licking your glossed lips, you surveyed the crowd and noticed the small bit of red against the blue of his suit. “He’s with his team.”

Peter’s expression curled in on itself, and he tilted his head at you. “Not here with you?”

“I told him to go.” You shrugged and sipped your punch while Peter swirled his around.

“Why?”

“Didn’t wanna drag him down with these stupid shoes I got from Wish. Worst decision ever. Cheap, but at what cost?” You couldn’t wait to deal with the rashes later.

Peter gave a scoff like he didn’t believe you. “Y/N, you don’t drag anyone down. You guys were just smooching it up on the dancefloor.”

“Peter,” you started, but he interrupted.

“He really likes you, I can tell!”

“Peter—”

“Why wouldn’t he wanna be around you, Y/N? Did he say something? You guys seemed so into it—”

Grabbing his forearm, his eyes were doe-like, “Peter, Brad and I are just friends,” you managed, “it’s not working for us.”

Peter blinked at you. “But—”

“We kissed to see if it’d help.”

Suddenly, Peter’s eyes flitted around, before he shook his head subtly and wondered, “...Help what?”

“Forget.”

You took a long inhale of the fruit punch and noticed it was already gone by the time you pushed it away from your lips. Gulping it down, you wished it would ease the pain a little bit.

“Forget what?”

You sighed. “...Forget about… the people we actually like.”

“That’s not each other?”

Peter could be so cute and obtuse at the same time. You looked over at him, ready to chew his ear out, but he was looking at you so sweetly and curiously that you reconsidered immediately. You pinched your lips together to prevent any word spillage, before deciding on something simple, “...Yeah.”

He had an expression of calculation, and it was adorable. You laughed at him, and he was surprised by this. “What?”

“You’re thinking too hard about this, Peter Parker.”

Peter pouted. “You confuse me, Y/N. Who do you like?” It seemed to dawn on him. “Wait— wait, wait, did you totally dump Brad Davis over Spider-man?”

You choked on air. “Spider— you think I’m in love with _Spider-man?”_

“I mean, come on!” Peter’s arms stretched over his head, exaggerating, “You’ve been seen with him before!”

“Peter, he’s _Spider-man.”_

Peter paused. “...So? Is… is that bad?”

You sighed, watching teenagers push past in front of you from the bleachers. “No, it’s not bad at all. It’s just literally impossible to date Spider-man.”

“Are you saying you want to?” Deadpan, you gave a blank stare at Peter. “Alright, alright, fine. Not Spider-man. That’s cool, I guess...” Not another word was said for a good five seconds. “...What do you not like about Spider-man?”

“Oh my _god_ Peter.”

“Well if it’s not Spider-man then who?” Peter seemed so set on figuring you out and it made you nervous. “Brad was my best guess, but apparently you guys aren’t working. So, who? Jerry from gym? Jerry’s kinda cool, I suppose, but he seems too jock-y for your taste. Not saying you don’t like buff men, but I mean, I don’t know. Can’t see you and Jerry getting married one day.” You crossed your arms over your lap while watching him list off random names. _If only he knew…_ “Oh, Y/N, if it’s Flash… okay, _that’s_ the one I’ll disown you over.” He looked over at you and blinked before grinning with an investigative expression. “What?”

“What?” You asked.

“You’re smiling at me.”

You felt the smile on your lips suddenly. You shrugged, attempting to play it cool. “Can I not smile?”

Peter leaned back against the steps behind him, his leg bouncing slightly. “No, not when I’m trying to play detective.”

“I don’t think you’ll ever figure it out, Peter.” You got up, stretching your legs slightly, wanting to get out of the cramped gymnasium. “Go find Ned and have fun.”

Peter perked up. “Wait, where are you going?”

“Home, probably.” You felt kinda bad, but you weren’t really in the mood to pretend anymore. Peter took your side as you walked out, and you sighed. “Peter, you’re not gonna find out.”

“Does he go to a different school?”

“No.”

“Shit, did I get it wrong? Is he actually a she?”

Stepping out the glass doors and feeling the crisp air, you sighed as it blew against your skin and glanced over at Peter. “No, unless… unless he wants to be one. I don’t know. I don’t think so, though.” You moved to toss the red solo cup away. Peter joined you.

“Okay, okay. Does he go to our school?”

You contemplated. The school was private, and pretty popular, so you didn’t think much of it. “Yes.” Heading near the football field, you covered your eyes as you watched snow begin to form from the sky. You sighed. “Are you serious? It’s October. Why is it snowing?”

Peter chuckled in response. “I think it’s telling us to go back inside.”

You shook your head and sat on the field bleachers instead. “You go ahead.”

He stood in front of you. “Y/N,” he started, “...was you liking Brad a lie from the beginning?”

That question you did not expect. Glancing up at him, the fluorescent field lights spotlighted down at him, with very faint flakes of snow that would melt upon impact crossing behind him. It was effective in looking like a movie scene with the faint Ed Sheeran song squeezing out from the school’s walls.

Your thighs pressed together and you just wanted to cage in on yourself. “Yeah.”

“...Is it Ned?”

“No, Peter, no. It’s not Ned— oh my god,” you pinched your nose and finally decided it was enough. “I don’t… I don’t want to ruin anything, Peter. I like what we all have, so I choose not to say anything. Why can’t you see that?”

Peter seemed to get upset. “See what? What would you even ruin, Y/N? Why is this some big secret? We all tell you, I don’t know why you feel so ashamed. We love you, Y/N—”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you snapped. “Yeah, and I love _you,_ Peter, but I can’t exactly embrace that, now can I?”

You didn’t exactly realize what you said until you peered up and saw his incredulous expression. Your face was probably redder than Spider-man’s mask. Smacking your hand beneath your nose, you gave shaken breaths. “I— I’m so sorry, Peter, that’s—”

Peter wasn’t saying anything.

Tears welled at your eyes, staring at the ground, feeling your jaw quiver. You moved your hand from your mouth to grasp onto your dress tightly. You mind as well be honest now. “...I didn’t want you to know, Peter. I… I promise I’m doing everything in my power to not feel like this.” 

“How long?”

Your eyes managed to glance at him before immediately meeting the grass once more. “...It’s been… it’s been over a year, I’d say.”

“Over a year?” Peter’s voice cracked a bit.

You nodded slightly. You almost felt scolded with Peter hovering over you like this.

It was quiet. It was _quiet_ and you didn’t like it. It was too much. You began to panic. “But I— I don’t want you to think I would ever act on it, Peter, I promise. You and MJ, I was so happy for you guys. You guys were like two peas in a pod and I knew that was supposed to be destiny. I mean—” you began to lie, “— the feelings! They’re not as strong anymore. It’s working, you know? Me not loving you— liking you, I mean, love is such a strong word, isn’t it? I promise our friendship is so important and—”

Peter leaned down and kissed you.

He was _kissing you._

You were frozen in time. Everything was appearing before your eyes. No longer did you imagine Peter’s hands holding MJ’s, no, you got to feel them on your face, cupping your cheeks so gently. These lips were no longer grinning when talking to someone else, they were meeting yours, the flavor of punch staining his mouth. You found yourself imagining sunflowers and butterflies and Peter Parker’s gorgeous amazing smile and a laugh akin to sweet honey—

Kissing back, you suddenly remembered MJ and Brad and the dark mopey atmosphere of the highschool’s football field. “Mm— mn,” you started, wanting to grant him access to the rest of your mouth, mind, and body, but also finding your hands meeting his shoulders to maneuver him away. “—No,” you managed once you were both disconnected from each other. “No, no— please—”

“What?” Peter whispered, and his breath was so close to yours. Instead of relishing in the fact that Peter kissed you and your heart was on fire, it was the fact that yes, your heart _was_ on fire with _agony and pain._

“Don’t do this to me,” you managed out, tears staining your cheeks and messing up your mascara. “You can’t do this. This is— no, this isn’t fair.”

Peter fixed his posture a bit before sitting beside you, your thighs touching, and it was too much. You twisted your torso so that he couldn’t see the mess you were. “I thought… I thought this was what we both wanted. Did I misunderstand?”

Your eyes went wide and you gawked at him. “Peter, you’re with MJ. I— I just said I liked you. This is not what you _want!_ You want MJ, okay? That’s how it is supposed to be. That is how it’s been!”

“MJ and I aren’t working out. I said this. We came tonight as friends.”

You shook your head rapidly. “You guys aren’t friends, you guys are—”

“—Broken up, Y/N! Jesus, you wonder why she broke up with me?” Peter’s voice overpowered yours. “She knew I liked you! God, Y/N, I thought I liked her but all along it was you and I fucked up! I broke her heart and I’m a shitty person for that, but MJ is so understanding where she actually wants us to be together. We tried and it didn’t work like how you and Brad tried and it didn’t work.”

You sniffled, head facing your lap, but his hand moved to cup your cheek to make you look at him. “You know she saw you on the bleachers by yourself, right? She pushed me to go to you.”

Unconvinced, you didn’t know what to think. Peter kissed you, and was saying he liked you, and it was all so much. You gave a shaken exhale, speechless.

“Y/N,” he murmured, “...Y/N, I’m…” Peter stopped.

This garnered your attention enough from your rapid thoughts. You looked at him. When you both made contact, Peter looked away. “I need to tell you something. _Please_ don’t hate me.”

“Peter, I just confessed my feelings for you and you’re saying that?”

“This is… no, this is… I…” Peter moved his hand through his combed hair, messing it up a bit, making you bite your tongue. “You can’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Why would— Peter, you didn’t _kill_ anyone, did you?”

Peter seemed alarmed. “No— well…” he stopped.

“What?!”

“I’m Spider-man!” He shouted over your panicked exclamation.

You felt everything pause.

Slow, you repeated, “You… are Spider-man?”

A hesitant nod resulted from Peter.

Suddenly, you began to panic, “Are you implying you heard me _sing?!_ Oh my god, that’s so embarrassing!” You buried your head in your hands.

Peter was quiet before asking, “Wait… that’s what you’re upset about? Not the fact that I kept this secret from you forever and I use my suit to essentially stalk you?”

“...You what?”

“Nothing,” Peter corrected himself before he placed a hand on your shoulder, and looking at him you felt your heart melt. He saved you, listened to you, he was all of these things, almost watching over you with every second he could while keeping the world safe. Outside of the suit, he was always careful to make sure you were all right, even now, even during homecoming where your stupid ten dollar shoes broke and you lead a boy on who was also leading you on. Peter was so careful with you. “I… I’m sorry for keeping it from you. Ned and MJ know, and I didn’t know if I would want to put you in harm’s way, but I owe it to you. I want you to know that… I really, really like you, Y/N. I _really_ do. I want to break these barriers.”

Does everything have to be so complicated yet so obvious? You rolled your lips together before giving a light chuckle. “Wow. Okay, Spider-man. Yeah. I guess I was wrong earlier.”

Peter’s head tilted. “About what?”

“I _do_ have a crush on Spider-man.”

His lips pursed as he took in the information. Eventually, he broke out into the smile that made you fall in the first place. Peter laughed and your anxiety lessened.

“I think he has a crush on you, too,” Peter said a bit timidly. You watched his cheeks turn into a pinker shade, and you gave a soft laugh, so enamoured with the brunette beside you. Glancing at the mentioned hair, you moved your hand to slowly move through the brown strands and oh, man, it was soft. It was so soft. Peter leaned into your touch, an amused smile on his face. “What’s this?”

You shrugged. “...I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“Well, I’m not stopping you.”

You loved him so much. He was grinning at you like an absolute dweeb and you loved him. Your hand moved from his hair to cup the underside of his jaw, thumbing near his ear. “So… that time I was dancing in the bathroom because I managed to get Brad to go with me…” you started, recalling that faint memory of M&M’s and hushed Snapchatting, “...did you…”

“With my super hearing, yeah. I heard that.”

“That’s really awkward.”

Peter simpered, scooting closer to you, pressing his legs against yours carefully. “I was… a little jealous.”

Your heart pumped against your ribs. “Jealous?”

“You caught me listening in. I… yeah, I was jealous.”

“It was him or Spi—” you paused, pointing a finger at him and giving a sly smirk, “...or _you._ Wait, wait. I have a question: if I did say I had a crush on Spider-man, what would you have done?”

Contemplating, Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe nothing… but I did know I’d probably freak out about it in my own time. ”

You found yourself looking at his boutonniere and noticed it was also an orchid. Glancing at the one on your wrist, you noticed you both matched. “Aw, our flowers matched,” you mentioned to him. Though, you didn’t hear a reply from Peter. You looked at him.

Peter was giving you a half-lidded gaze.

Raising an eyebrow, you were very confused. “What?”

“I really like you.”

“...You said that. What about our flowers?” Though, that didn’t change the fact your face turned hot.

“Fuck the flowers. Can I kiss you again? ...Please?” He must’ve realized how aggressive he sounded. Though, honestly, you didn’t mind the more dominant side easing out of Peter. It made you flustered.

Was this night even real? You gave a breathy chuckle and nodded. “Yeah… yeah, kiss me,” you granted. Peter’s eyes fluttered shut as he held your face and tilted his head. It was hesitant at first, chaste, you both parted after just a peck. You pushed back against him to capture his lips once more, getting the hang of it. His teeth grated against your bottom lip, and you gave a gasp, parting away slightly.

“Were you trying to bite me?”

Peter turned red at this and started to stammer. “I— I don’t know, I never— y’know, I kinda… I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Bullshit, you thought, “You and MJ though…”

“We— we’ve kissed like… okay, we didn’t kiss that much. It was basically a glorified friendship— but, listen, I— I’m sorry. Yeah. I shouldn’t be doing that.” Shaking your head, you grinned and kissed him, nibbling down on his bottom lip and hearing a sharp intake of breath. “Y/N!”

You laughed, putting a hand against your mouth. “I’m sorry. You make it so easy, Peter.”

He gave an amused sigh and pulled you against him. “So… what are we? We did the confessing and kissy thingy. What’s the third step?”

True. “Do we need labels yet?”

“No, that’s the sixth step. Haven’t got there yet.”

Feeling a little mischievous, you asked, “...Which part features the _fun_ stuff?”

“Like… oh— you— what?” You smirked as you adjusted to watch his face turn red. He was an absolute mess, mouth opening to speak words but nothing was coming out. 

“Peter. Peter, look at me,” you tried to snap him out of his weird state of internal panic, tilting his chin towards you. “Earth to Peter. Hi. It was a joke, hun.”

Peter scoffed, waving his hand. “I… I knew that.” Everything about his demeanor said otherwise, and you thought it was admirable.

Aiming to comment, a shiver suddenly crossed your body and distracted you from your initial thought. Peter noticed this and was immediately shuffling his jacket off of his shoulders. He wrapped the suit around your arms and you felt your entire body light up with warmth. Not from the cloth, but from the fact that Peter was cradling you so gently in this way, pulling against his jacket lightly and smelling faint cologne and it was euphoric.

“We should go,” Peter suggested.

You looked at your bare feet and sighed. “I’m not looking forward to walking.” You started to get up, but suddenly a weight pressed against your back, and you were being hoisted into the air. “Wha—!”

“My suit should be somewhere around here. Do you want an official ride home from the Spider-man?” Peter asked, and he was holding you like you were nothing. God, his super strength was so meritable.

You squinted. “You bring your suit everywhere?”

Peter grinned.  
  


Okay, so he did have the suit. You were seated on a bench across from him near the dark corner of the school, and he was pulling red and black out of his backpack. Gazing at the mix of colors, you watched as he began to unbutton his shirt and you looked away, pretending to survey the area.

You couldn’t stop your curiosity. You peered at him only slightly when his back was turned to you— man, his skin was flexing. Wow. You licked the bottom of your front teeth and squeezed your hands together. With the moonlight, you could vaguely make out old scars littering his body. He seemed to have superhuman strength, but…

Moving up, before he could pull the suit up over his waist, you touched his back. Peter froze, tensing under your touch and whipping to look at you. Then, you could see his chest, and there were even more. Your fingers traced over the scarred skin and you felt your heart ache a little bit.

“You get hurt so much,” you commented under your breath. “You’re only a senior in school… I can’t imagine how long you’ve been doing this...”

Peter’s gloved hands moved up to clutch onto your wrists. “It’s part of the job.”

Knowing that this whole time, while you were sleeping snug in bed or up all night gaming with Ned, maybe going on calls with MJ to talk about the latest criminal documentaries you both watched, Peter was out risking his life and getting in harm’s way just to make sure an innocent life could make another day—

“Hey,” he cooed to you, catching your attention when his hand met your cheek to pull your focus upwards. “You’re thinking about this too much, Y/N L/N.”

Realizing he was quoting you from before, you immediately felt a loss of words. Pinching your lips together, you wanted to speak up.

“But—”

Though, Peter looked to your side in a vigilant manner. He was quick to zip up the suit and throw on his mask, everything clinging to his body. The newly suited Spider-man scooped you into his arms and began to swing away from the private school and towards your apartment. Giving shrieks of surprise, you clung onto Peter like your life depended on it.

Finally, after long-winded swings and screaming and Peter soothing you (while also laughing at you) you sought the sweet comfort of your patio. You clutched onto the wall and pressed your forehead against it, Peter slumping his backpack against the cement and giving breathy chuckles.

“I didn’t know anyone could handle that worse than MJ,” he commented behind you.

You stared at him. “MJ did this, too? Do you traumatize every girl you come into contact with?”

“No—” Peter paused, looking at his one raised finger, it slowly moving into three, “It’s not every girl.”

“Mmm,” you hummed. “Part of the job?” Referencing earlier, Spider-man’s white eyes turned round.

“Is… is that okay with you?” He asked, following you inside your apartment, you turning on the lights and him yanking off his mask. “I feel like if _this_ is going to be a thing we should talk about it.”

Man, if you woke up that day and told yourself _Peter is going to kiss me and he’s going to reveal that he’s Spider-man_ , you would’ve considered yourself the funniest person to ever walk the planet. You never lied to yourself like that, so this was completely out of the proportion of potential reality for you and you were wishing someone would pinch you. You didn’t want to ache if this all happened to be some twisted, messed up dream.

“I don’t have a problem with you being Spider-man,” you commented, still in absolute incredulity that these words were coming out of your vocal chords, “I guess… what I’m really concerned about is MJ.”

“But—”

You looked at him, raising a hand, and he stopped, his jaw tightening on itself. Even knowing that he wanted to do whatever he could to make the two of you a thing, you still had to be careful. “I know Peter. You guys aren’t together… but I don’t want to make her feel weird, or even our friends. Ned and Betty don’t know.”

Peter started rubbing at his neck. “Well, that’s the thing, Ned kinda always knew…” he murmured.

“Is there anything you guys aren’t keeping from me?”

You were given an alarmed expression. “No! No, you know everything, I promise Y/N. It was just context and timing and I didn’t want anyone to use you against me, like MJ found out on her own and I was kinda forced into telling her, Ned discovered me by accident, I _guarantee_ you’re the only one I genuinely told on my own terms. Hell, even Aunt May stumbled in on me, I didn’t want to tell her anything.”

Hearing this made your stomach flutter around. You looked away from him to stare at the tabletop. You were glad your legal guardian was never home to see you discussing relationship terms with an unmasked Spider-man. “I believe you, Peter, don’t worry.”

Peter gave a sigh of relief. “Okay, good.”

“That doesn’t defeat the fact of what people might say or think… or even _feel_ about this…”

“Why does their opinion matter?”

You felt frustrated, sitting on a stool and resting your elbow on the countertop. He stood in the middle of the room with the most befuddled look. “It doesn’t, Peter, but I care about our friends’ feelings on this.”

Peter walked towards you, taking your hands. “MJ is fine—”

“Fine for us, but herself, she’s not.”

These words seemed to make him think. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what we could do though… do we not…” Peter’s expression turned into one of pain.

Rubbing your thumbs over his knuckles, you shook your head. “...Let’s experiment a little, too, Peter.” You smiled at him. “Not in front of them. Let’s just give this time, and— well, I need time, too, because I never thought this would come true.”

Peter took a seat in the stool across from you. You still didn’t know how to feel about the fact he was lounging around in _the_ god damn Spider-man suit. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this before.”

“It’s okay. You were looking at MJ.” Peter looked up at you in surprise, opening his mouth, but you tilted your head to the side and he immediately stopped. “Peter, it’s okay to have liked MJ.”

“Still, I feel bad…”

“You said it wasn’t working, right?” You questioned with an acknowledgement from him. “MJ said she felt the same way. You wouldn’t believe how often this happens with friends, Peter.” You rubbed up and down his forearm to console him.

Making eye contact, the side of Peter’s lips twitched, and he shyly ducked his head to take your hand and move your knuckles to his lips. “I like you so much, Y/N.”

Blood pulsed to your ears and you blocked out the static-like noise from completely altering your hearing. “You say that a lot, Peter.”

“It doesn’t… it’s not working,” he admitted against your hand before lowering it to hold it with both of his own. “It just doesn’t sound right.”

Suddenly dejected, you were quick to say, “You shouldn’t force yourself into anything, Peter—”

“I love you.”

It was slow, drawled, and hoarse. Peter’s eyes were flicking back and forth, avoiding yours, before he finally looked at you and his face just seemed so happy. “I love you. That’s it. That’s what I mean.”

Hearing those words made you cry. You couldn’t stop the tears from suddenly pooling at your eyes and threatening to leak down your cheeks. Holding it back failed miserably as they formed rivers down your skin. Peter cupped your neck to take you in. “Y/N, I love you, too. I do.”

“Peter,” you managed in a whisper, clutching onto his shoulders and finding your throat hiccupping.

“I’m sorry.”

You didn’t know why it felt like your world was collapsing. Peter hoisted you up onto his lap to hold you more properly on top of the stool. You clung to him, years of longing and yearning, of standing to the side and watching the love of your life thrive without you, it burned. It burned and hurt and you didn’t know what to do. It felt like a numb void, the stark white world now being drowned with colors and emotions you were lacking— that you removed to desist the inevitable heartbreak. To be rewarded so earnestly, to be told that you were loved and that Peter loved you genuinely, requiting what you gave, it felt fair. The world felt fair, and it seemed unfair in that sense.

Peter was carding his fingers through your hair, giving gentle kisses to your temple and near your ear, letting your head rest against his collarbone. It was so warm, and it smelled exactly like home.

Peter was home.

You sniffled and wiped at your nose, embarrassed at your display, and slowly inched away from Peter to look up at him through your eyelashes. “Sorry if I got tears and snot on your suit.” You placed your hands on the suit and it felt so stiff.

He licked his lips, looking down at it and shaking his head. “You wouldn’t believe what this thing has been through. Don’t worry about it, Y/N.”

A moment passed and you murmured, “Stay the night?”

Peter’s pupils dilated. “What?”

“Can you stay? It’s okay if not, but—”

“No, no, I’d love to stay, Y/N. I’d love to,” he assured.

Staying. You gave a soft heartened chuckle and held him close to you. “...Wanna watch Star Wars?” You offered.

“Is that even a question? You think we can skip The Phantom Menace? That movie kinda sucked.”

You gasped and glared at him. “You can’t just skip the first movie!”

Your love pouted his lips. “But… but it’s so boring, Y/N. We can’t watch it. I’ll fall asleep.”

“Isn’t that the point of sleepovers? You’re supposed to fall asleep, Peter.”

Peter pinched his lips together and he almost said something. Your curiosity got the best of you. “What?”

“What?”

“Say what you were going to say, Peter.”

Peter shook his head.

 _“Peter,”_ You repeated while crossing your arms and Peter’s hands shook on your waist.

“Well… if it’s… just us two, I don’t think— well, sleeping isn’t really— you know?” Suddenly it all made sense and you wanted to scream a little bit. You were sure your face was an entirely different color by the way Peter started to come apart. “No, no, I didn’t mean— I didn’t mean like _s-sex,”_ he harshly whispered the last word while stuttering, “I just meant I don’t want to fall asleep on you. I want to look at you for a little bit, and hold you, and maybe give you a few kisses.”

You tried to bite down your smirk. “Where are you kissing me, exactly?”

Peter seemed unimpressed and you put your hand over your mouth, hiding back threatening giggles. “Well, I’d start here,” he said to your surprise, pushing his lips against your forehead, “then here and here,” he kissed your temples before moving and kissing your nose, “and I can’t forget your nose,” your hand was pulled away from your mouth and he gave you a shit-eating sneer, “...and I’d kiss you right here.” Peter’s gloved thumb rubbed against your bottom lip.

It was alluring. You knew he was seducing you, and by god, it was working. It didn’t help you were on his lap and it was so tempting to just—

“Man, Ned was right,” you distracted yourself, “we do have tension.”

Peter snorted, shoulders shaking with his amused breaths, “How does he always know? I wish he woke me up sooner.”

“Mm, I wish I’d get my promised kiss sooner.”

He shook his head and your eyebrows lifted. “Naw, I’m not kissing you if you’re making me watch The Phantom Menace.” Suddenly you were moved off of his lap, standing on the hardwood floor as he began to drag his backpack inside and pulling out his clothes. “You’ll get your kisses when you behave, Y/N.”

“You’re in _my_ house and _I_ was the one who offered Star Wars.”

“And I’m Spider-man, but I’ll take your thank you later.”

Huffing, you shook your head. “I can’t believe I’m in love with a total super-dork.”

Peter looked at you and his face turned pink. He bit his bottom lip before chuckling quietly, “I can’t believe it either.”

That night you both did end up watching The Phantom Menace because unbeknownst to you, Peter can’t say no to your doe-eyes. On the contrary, you were the one who fell asleep, nestled into Peter’s chest with a fuzzy throw blanket wrapped over you both on the couch. You remember faintly feeling his fingers card behind your ear soothingly, and you smiled before falling unconscious.

You recalled one thought roaming your mind; you no longer wished you were anyone else. This was perfect. This was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> **check me out on[tumblr!](http://douxdamian.tumblr.com)**


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